Go Ninja Go Ninja Go!

This just in!  Dateline Alabama: After several hours of exhaustive research, top government scientists conclude that G4's presentation sucks.  Says the project leader, "G4 is like a tasty Big Kahuna Burger wrapped in a pile of dirty sweat socks.  Yeah, G4 is kind of like that."

Okay, that might not be completely fair.  I only follow a couple of shows in their lineup, so I can't say they're that bad all round.  But it's the way they package those shows which gets under my skin, especially Ninja Warrior.
For those who don't know, NW is the American import version of a Japanese athletic competition called Sasuke. The show follows 100 competitors as they run a four-stage obstacle course; once someone falls off an obstacle, they're out. The course is always crazy challenging - in 21 shows, only two competitors have finished all four stages, and only once each - and the producers keep the obstacles changing from one time to the next. The challengers range from blue-collar workers to TV comedians to honest-to-goodness Olympic medalists.

The show itself is great fun. Having to put up with G4 to watch it...eh, not so much.

First off, the title. Honestly, Ninja Warrior? I can imagine the pitch meeting:

"Hey, here's this really cool show from Japan. Check it out."
"Neat, but the title's kind of meh. We need something with a little more punch."
"Like what?"
"Uh...make it something with ninjas. They're cool, right? And they're Japanese, so it'll be culturally relevant. Or something."

And it's not like they stopped with the title card and ad copy. One of the few things G4 did right was to leave the announcer from the original broadcast in, with subtitles running at the bottom. This might count as another strike for some, but after ten years watching subtitled anime it doesn't really cross my eyes. What does bug me is their consistent refusal to follow what's actually being said. Any time the announcer says "Sasuke", it shows up as "Ninja Warrior." Now, maybe somebody's worried about the viewers getting confused; after all, we're not that bright. But seriously, folks: I know he's not saying anything close to "ninja warrior", and it really isn't that hard to figure out what he means by "Sasuke." I mean, it's right behind the first-stage starting line in big golden letters I think I can work this one out, thanks.

Secondly, G4 seems to have a major jones for screen bugs. It starts with the gigantimous G4 logo in the upper-right corner, just in case you forgot for ten seconds you're watching "TV That's Plugged In." Then you've got the news crawl which pops up randomly along the bottom edge. Then there are the little graphics representing the competitor's progress through the various obstacles, lined up in a stack along the screen's right side. And just when you thought it was safe, here comes The Viral. I don't know what the point of this little excrescence is supposed to be, but it drives me nuts. You're taking up another two square inches of what little screen space I have left to actually watch the damn showjust to show me a stupid grainy video clip I don't care about. How is this a good idea again?

Lastly, the scheduling. Maybe this is more about my bad timing, but it seems like G4 always manages to have the same five or six shows on a constant loop. It gets particularly bad with the more recent competitions. 19, 20 and 21, the three most recent competitions, have all been shown at least twice each in the few months since I started watching the show regularly. There are ten years' worth of competitions to go through. Would a little variety kill you guys? And how about showing one of the winning rounds again?

All in all, there's enough I like about this show to keep me coming back. I just wish the good people at G4 would let me have my tasty burger without the stinky locker room aftertaste.

* The management would like to apologize for any trauma you may have suffered as a result of Vanilla Ice flashbacks.

Posted by: Steve Miller at 21:23 | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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